Why you might feel unfulfilled even when life looks good

Have you ever looked at your life and thought, I should be happier than this?

You might have a career you’ve worked hard for and people around you who love you. Perhaps you have a good relationship, a nice home and a busy social life. From the outside, there may be very little to complain about. But something still feels off to you.

That can be confusing, especially when you’ve spent years working towards the things you thought would make you happy.

The problem is that our ideas about what a good life should look like aren't always our own. We grow up absorbing messages from our parents, our school, the media, our favourite celebrities, and the culture we live in. We learn what success looks like, what makes someone attractive, how we should behave in relationships and what a woman is supposed to take responsibility for.

Some of those things might suit you perfectly. Others might not. And because these expectations can become so familiar, we don’t always stop to question them. You can end up living a life that looks really good on paper, while having a constant feeling that something isn’t quite right.

Sometimes we respond to that feeling by looking for the next thing that might make us happy. A different job, another relationship, a new qualification or a move somewhere else. We know we want something to change, even if we don’t really understand what we’re searching for.

If this sounds like you, it could be useful to get curious about the feeling before you make anymore big decisions.

Which part of your life doesn’t feel right? When did you start feeling that way? What are you doing because you actually want to, and what might you actually be doing because you feel you have to?

You can also pay attention to how you feel when you think about different choices. Sometimes something that feels right brings a sense of ease or calm with it. That doesn’t mean every right decision will feel comfortable, because doing something new can make us anxious too. But our emotional and physical responses might give us information that we should take notice of. 

Then go a little deeper. If you stopped doing something, changed direction or disappointed someone, what do you think would happen? That question can sometimes uncover beliefs and expectations you hadn’t realised were influencing you.

Feeling dissatisfied with a life that looks good doesn’t make you ungrateful for what you have. It may simply be telling you that certain areas deserve your attention. And once you understand what that something is, you can then look at the choices that are open to you.